You’re 38 years old, give or take a few, you have just gone through the shock of figuring out you are a lesbian…now what? If you are in a position to meet other like-minded women and seek out a relationship, you will most certainly be thinking about dating. And you have to start somewhere: your first lesbian date.

The concept is the same as any date: two people meeting to learn more about each other in order to determine if there will be a second date. Remember this principle! You are deciding on a second date, not on a lifetime commitment. In my experience, many lesbians who do not experience instant sparks on the first date don’t ask for a second date. Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself or your date. While attraction may be instant, most times love needs time and nurturing to grow. If you are on a date, having a nice time together and seem reasonably compatible, go on a second date. Enjoy yourself.

On the other end of the spectrum, if you do feel an instant attraction on the first date, take it slow. There is an ongoing lesbian joke involving U-Haul rentals following first dates–if you haven’t heard about that yet, you will. Most times these flash-in-the-pan attractions result in short lived and stormy affairs. Having an attraction doesn’t insure compatibility…that just takes time. Be patient.

OK, so back to first date basics. Who asks for the date? In straight relationships, most times the guy takes the initiative. No more! It’s up to one of you to do it. My advice is to jump in. The sooner you ask, the less anxiety you will have agonizing over the anticipation. You will also develop confidence and it will be easier the next time. Make your invitation to date as personal as possible. In person or on the phone are preferable to e-mail or IMing.

You can either offer to pick up your date or meet up with each other. There are no rules. You may want to consider this, however. Picking up at the home will also mean dropping off at the home later, presenting the possibility of being asked in for a nightcap. This may or may not be desirable, depending on your comfort level after the date.

As in the straight world, expectations of sexual activity following a first date vary widely among lesbians. You should never do more than you are comfortable with. You should clearly state what your limits are if you are feeling pressured. Likewise, don’t pressure your date. That’s just bad manners. It is a good idea to think about your personal limits and desires ahead of time. Kissing is common and if this is your first time kissing a woman and you are nervous, that’s normal. Relax, you’ll be fine! (really fine!)

Paying for the date is the next sticky wicket. Again, no rules. If you have been the one to initiate the date, you may want to pay. Or your date may offer and insist. Or you can split the bill. The only caution here concerns obligation. If you go on additional dates and she continues to insist on paying, she may be really nice, rich and can afford it or she may be trying to set up a controlling relationship. Beware.

There is one really disconcerting thing that I had not foreseen on my first date: the trip to the rest room. When I told my date I needed the facilities she said, “Oh, me too,” and followed me in. It was just a little strange relieving myself, knowing my date was in the next stall!

Remember, the goal of your first date is to learn more about each other, test your compatibility and decide if you want to go on a second date. Keep these points in mind and have a fabulous time! Happy hunting.

Glancing through the pages of your favorite magazine, your eyes get fixed on the electrifying beauty with amazing curves…it’s not that you are just appreciating her bodily charm, neither you are jealous of her assets…your heart fills up with such desire that you have never felt before…you want to touch her, feel her, want to make love to her…you can’t stop thinking about her…you ask yourself…’Am I a lesbian?’…

Lesbian women feel romantic and sexual attraction only towards other women, and not for men. Delving into the pages of history, we can come across the legendary Greek poetess Sappho whose objects of attraction were primarily other women. The word ‘lesbian’ is a derivative of the term ‘Lesbos’ – the island where Sappho lived. Historical evidences have proved that lesbian affairs were quite commonplace in the ancient world. There’s nothing to be surprised of after hearing and reading about these ‘women-loving-women’. What’s wrong in that if some women feel comfortable being physically, psychologically and spiritually closer to other women? Nothing can stop them from being what they are. Studies have shown that out of every ten teens, at least one is either lesbian or gay (men who feel sexually attracted to other men)! You can come across lesbians in every races, classes, cultures and professions – they are everywhere.

Most of us, whether straight or gay, become aware of our sexuality, our innermost sexual desires, during adolescence. While the majority is drawn towards the opposite sex at this stage, some young girls develop a crush on other beautiful women. Instead of handsome hunks, gorgeous lasses start coming into their dreams. You must have gone through a confusing state of mind when all your girlfriends were dating men and you were preoccupied with the thoughts of your dream-gal! But, the time has now come to get over with all your confusions. If you are sure that other women turn you on then you are definitely a lesbian and being a lesbian, you certainly have the rights to live life in your own way. Lesbian relations are as natural as the relationship between a man and woman. Love is such an emotion that is always pure, whether it exists between two heterosexual individuals or two women is inconsequential!

In some women, development of sexuality is a time-consuming process. So, take your time and express your feelings once you are confident and comfortable regarding your sexual orientation. ‘Same-sex attraction between men and women is absolutely normal’ – scientists and researchers have come to this conclusion long before. So, what is preventing you to love your desired woman? If you and your partner are in love with each other and want to stay together, no force in the world can stop you from doing so…just be yourself and remain true to yourself.

Though our society has often stereotyped lesbians, you will be wrong if you assume lesbian women behave in a particular manner and have certain traits. Your sexual preference may be different from that of your friend, but it doesn’t mean that both of you cannot have similar interests and pursue the same hobbies. Your sexual orientation is just a part of your total self, it’s not the entire you. Moreover, there’s good news for all lesbian women – violation and discrimination against them is decreasing steadily, thanks to the untiring efforts of the lesbian organizations that have strived hard to establish their civil rights.

Once you acknowledge yourself as a lesbian, you may start wondering how to ‘come out’ with your orientation in open. Here, the lesbian counseling agencies can come at your rescue. They will surely let you know the right time and place for coming out. Having supportive family, friends and colleagues can help you to lead a blissful lesbian life. There are various instances that a lesbian has found true joy of life after getting accepted by their near and dear ones. The discussion forums available at the lesbian websites can also ward off all your queries regarding lesbian sex. The best thing about lesbian sex is the chance of getting infected with HIV and other STDs is quite less than other sexual activities.

You can enjoy your lesbian life once you start feeling good about yourself. Just because some prudes think your way of sexual expression is not right, you must not destroy your much-valued self-esteem. Neither you need to hide your sexuality, nor should you become angry and get depressed about it. You are born this way and you have every right to live in your own terms. Take inspiration from the books written and films made about lesbians. They will give you lots of courage and give you back your self-respect that you may have lost somewhere in the way. Meeting other single lesbians or lesbian-couples can provide you a clear picture of how fulfilling life can be for a lesbian. Feminist groups like NOW (National Organization for Women), the lesbian and feminist associations of your local colleges and universities and nearby LGBT Social & Resource Organizations are always there to lend their helping hands for you.

Please don’t live with pent up emotions anymore, but keep your wings of hope and desire afloat…nobody will dare to cut off your wings…fly high, higher…& reach the rainbow!